Two Assholes and a Mic
Two Assholes and a Mic
S2E21 - Technical Difficulties, Tobacco Flavours, and Satellite Seeds
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In S1E21, we fight through another round of technical difficulties, audio delays, reconnecting issues, and Ian’s car trying to hijack the Bluetooth mid-recording. Once we finally get rolling, we talk watermelon flavors, Robby’s LEGO zombie Captain America build, weird word mix-ups, missing LEGO parts, Joy’s legendary pronunciations, Brooke becoming the cat whisperer, and whether Robby needs a Maine Coon to handle the mouse situation in his garage. We also get into Roxy and Slinky getting brushed, picking up a new Spotify follower, upcoming guests, Slingshot towing and diagnostics, dealership fees, SpaceX and Starlink satellite launches, rocket test explosions, garage wasps, mud daubers, F-35s flying overhead, and why F-15s still sound louder than damn near everything.
What's up everybody? I'm Ian. This is Robbie, and we're two assholes in a mic. Alright. And we're back. And we're back.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, like as soon as you open it, you can smell the smell the watermelon.
SPEAKER_02Watermelone.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Nice. Alright, let's go. That's awesome. I'm a little bit jealous.
SPEAKER_04A lot of bit jealous.
SPEAKER_02I'm drinking my watermelon C4 though.
SPEAKER_04Ooh.
SPEAKER_02Pinky's out.
SPEAKER_04For class.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we gotta be classy bitches.
SPEAKER_04Classy bitches.
SPEAKER_02I was streaming earlier today, and uh, I didn't make no money. I was more just kind of goofing around and shit. And um was showing off the Lego collection and stuff like that to people. And then I was trying to find oh, I built a fucking Lego zombie Captain America out of his zombie helmet and his zombie shield, but I didn't have any other Lego parts, so I made him like a zombie businessman.
SPEAKER_04Shit yeah. Who I'm trying to think of what character was a zombie was a zombie. You're frozen. I'm frozen. Can you hear me? Mother bitch.
SPEAKER_02Bye! He went bye-bye. I'm still recording though, so I don't know what he was talking about with a zombie. He was talking about a zombie character before he got all dorked up, so we'll have to figure out what zombie character he's talking about. But I got like a bunch of zombie uh Legos, minifigures, so I can like make different fucking zombie characters if I wanted to, but I made a zombie Captain America.
SPEAKER_04Noise. Oh.
SPEAKER_02I don't think so.
SPEAKER_04I don't hope not. It sounds like it's better.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it sounds like it's better. Your your image is a little bit choppy, but I mean that's whatever. That's just for me. Maybe shut that off and we'll just talk without it without your video on today.
SPEAKER_04And I don't know if it's gonna make any difference.
SPEAKER_02See if that sounds better or whatever, so it's using up less bandwidth. You still there?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'm here. Can you hear me?
SPEAKER_02Hello? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's definitely like a seven, eight second delay.
SPEAKER_02Is it really?
SPEAKER_04Damn. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Here.
SPEAKER_04Alright, let me end let me end this. I'm gonna restart my phone.
SPEAKER_02Okay, mean.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. Today's just not our day.
SPEAKER_02After our 27th difficulties of technical. I've been doing that a bunch today for some reason, fucking swapping fucking words around like I did fucking land of ying. No, land of ing.
SPEAKER_04No, no, I was saying it the other way.
SPEAKER_02Oh, the white the right way.
unknownShh.
SPEAKER_04But land at ng sounds better.
SPEAKER_02Land of Ng. Yep. Ingland. Dude, that flower is like totally opened up and looks like it's already fallen apart. The magnolia. It's already gone. Yeah, it looks like it's already gone through its whole process. Huh.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because it's only been what a few days since it opened up, right?
SPEAKER_02I think it was yesterday, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_04Or was it the day before was it yesterday or the day before?
SPEAKER_02Well, the day before we didn't record.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's true.
SPEAKER_02Or yesterday we didn't record.
SPEAKER_04Yep, so it had it been yesterday.
SPEAKER_02Was it yesterday?
SPEAKER_04Because there was the three buds, the three buds on it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, it's only been one day.
SPEAKER_04That's some pretty good watermelon shit.
SPEAKER_02Watermelon. Where's mine? My tobacco one. Which is all I have, obviously.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Do you have the banana farts flavor?
SPEAKER_02I love banana farts. Banana farts. So I moved the fridge. Oh. Yesterday the fucking garage kept fucking popping. Like the the GFCI. Yeah. Which, because my office is technically on the back patio, and that's where I plugged my computer in, kept fucking popping my computer and all that shit. So I unplugged everything, dude. I'm trying to find this shit. And I've unplugged everything. And I'm like, what the fuck? There's nothing else in here. It's gotta be in the house. You know, there's gotta be something in the house now that's fucked up, so I'm gonna have to call a goddamn electrician. And I'm sitting in there in the living room, or I'm in my office fucking pouting about the electricity and shit. Because I'm all like, what the fuck am I gonna do? You know, it's gotta be something simple. It's gotta be fucking something simple. You know, GFCIs don't just pop for no fucking reason.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then it hit me. There's still one thing left plugged in, and it's in the garage. And it's our fucking extra fridge. And I unplugged it, and no fucking poppy. Damn. Everything fucking good to go. But as I pulled it out, there's a mouse that was fucking shitting and probably living there and eating and everything. So I think that's what fucked the fridge up because it's not that old of a fridge. We bought it for Joy, and then when she moved, we kept it or some shit like that. I don't remember.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And uh so it's defrosting now, and it's I'm gonna toss it now.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I wonder if it was biting on some shit up in there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Maybe that's why I haven't seen it in a while, because I haven't seen the little mouse in a while, and these motherfuckers don't ever try to get it at night. I need to get a cat for that reason. I wanna fucking I wanna fucking uh main coon. Cut all the fucking mice.
SPEAKER_04You have to with Roxy, that'd be tough.
SPEAKER_02That's why I want a main coon, because it's a big cat that can take care of itself. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but you can't exactly get already get like a f a fully grown one. You just have to get one as a fucking kitten.
SPEAKER_02I mean, if I can get one for free as a fully grown one, I'll take it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, maybe.
SPEAKER_02You know what I mean? I just want a fucking like I want it to be an outdoor cat though, like indoor outdoor, you know, come in at night, like the dogs do, so it goes potty outside. I don't have to get a cat box for it or anything. The only thing it has inside is food. That's it, you know, because I'm not gonna make it the dogs would would eat its food, you know, so it can, you know, but whatever it catches out here, there's so many mice and fucking gophers and things for it to catch, birds out here, you know. Just keep all the fucking pests away, the little bunnies, the rabbits and stuff that are nesting in my fucking septic tank. You know what I mean? Get the fuck out of here. That's why I I fed them when when Slinky found that one. I brought Roxy and over and she snatched that thing up and it was gone. You still having technical difficulties?
unknownHello?
SPEAKER_04I can't fucking figure out how to get that from disconnecting. Actually, you know what I can do? Ah, but I don't have to fucking re- I don't wanna I can't turn off the Bluetooth because I got my fucking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Normally when we're not recording, I do that. Just turn off my Bluetooth, get in the car, and just talk to the phone.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Maybe I should fucking invest in a wired headset, maybe. Just for the purposes of this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I don't know, maybe.
SPEAKER_04I mean they're inexpensive. 30 bucks.
SPEAKER_01Banana Parts is a better name for sure.
SPEAKER_04Banana Parts.
SPEAKER_02I've been brushing Roxy lately. She's I've never brushed her before. I don't know why. At first she was afraid of the brush. She's all like, what the hell is that thing? And now when I bring it up, she's all like, ooh, you're gonna rub me with that thing? And I like it better because then I'm not touching her nasty skin. Not her skin, her nasty, because look at all this fur that's fucking getting in it. Just from and I took out what I could, bless you. Took out what I could, next, you know, and it's still nasty. Her fur in there, you know, because when it's slinkies, I can just get it out. It's long, so it comes out real easy. Hers is all tiny little bits, and uh it's hard to get out, but anyways, she likes when I fucking brush her now.
SPEAKER_04She loves that shit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, she likes being petted, but with you know, it feels good to me, so I know it's gotta feel good to them. You know, this particular brush feels good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you like the brush now, huh?
SPEAKER_02Slinky's been head like the brush. I've been brushing him because he gets this he gets all those little fuzzy seeds stuck in his fur, and soon we're gonna be getting stickers, so I'm sure he'll be brushing out stickers soon.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, especially with him fucking running through the grass like that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but I'm sure once he gets his one stuck in his paw every once in a while, because it's it grows in regions now, it doesn't grow everywhere. Where I do heavy watering, where where I can do heavy watering, there's not, you know, stickers, you know, because they don't like to be watered. They're like a dry climate type of sticker. They want it to be clay and just dry. That's where they thrive. But that's why I was overgrowing the backyard as well to try to overgrow, because they don't do well, they can get choked out by other plant life. So I'm letting the backyard try to overgrow before they, you know, told the fucking told the county army, somebody told the county army and crybabied about my backyard. My backyard, not even my front yard, my my backyard. Anyways. I still kept it, like I said, 108 inches away from the fucking fence line because that's how my deck is 54 inches wide. I got somebody to follow us on Spotify today on my stream.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, somebody I said something about I can only I can only stream for an hour today, guys, because I gotta get ready for my podcast. And I don't remember who it was now. I think it was I think it was a guy named Star. Um user named Star. And uh he's like, You got a podcast? I was like, uh yeah, doesn't everybody? Well yeah. Doesn't everybody have a podcast now? Um anyway, and he asked, and uh I told him it was two assholes and a mic, or two a-holes and a mic, depending on how it popped up or whatever, you know. On yeah, I've never searched for I've searched for us once on what was the app. It was something my dad used.
SPEAKER_04Anyways, Spotify.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so they found us and followed us.
SPEAKER_03Trying to find it on Spotify.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they followed us on Spotify, that's what they said. Or no, it was dinos in the attic. Dino's in the attic was the one asking me. So I don't know if they're dinos in the attic on Spotify, but that's what they are on whatnot.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it comes up as two assholes and a mic.
SPEAKER_02Straight up, like no just straight up two assholes.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, two assholes and a mic.
SPEAKER_02Nice. I didn't know if like because the way you did the that image of us, yeah, like had the two asterisk, so that always confuses me.
SPEAKER_03Um I don't know. Yeah, I don't know why I did that.
SPEAKER_02It was something about somebody didn't like it or Facebook didn't like the wording or some shit like that, so you did that. I thought it was YouTube.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, yeah. I think it might have been Facebook.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Because that's where you initially were doing a lot of the lives and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yep.
SPEAKER_02So the next time we're recording is gonna be Saturday with Josh.
SPEAKER_04Yep, Saturday with Josh, and then Sunday with uh my buddy Rodney.
SPEAKER_02Nice. What time? Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Alright, so I gotta figure out when I'm gonna take the slingshot then. And maybe I'll take it Friday. I'm gonna get it towed. I'm just gonna get it towed, man. I'm tired of seeing it sitting here. I wanna drive it. I'm just gonna pay the fucking $500 and something dollars to get it fucking towed to the nearest shop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_0245 fucking minutes away. So that'll be my chore on Friday.
SPEAKER_04I think there'll be somebody that could do it cheaper. You said that's through insurance though?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's through the insurance. Maybe I'll just call a tow company, actually, local tow company, and ask them how much it would cost. Just pay out of fucking pocket.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, shit, it might end up being cheaper.
SPEAKER_02And even if it's the same, it might just be easier than going through the insurance app.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's probably what I'll do. I'll probably just call a local tow company. In fact, let me look it up now. Actually, I'm not gonna look it up now. I'm gonna write it down. No, I'm just gonna write it down.
SPEAKER_02No, it's alright. No, I'm gonna write it down on my list. I haven't been using it lately. Damn, a spider has already damn managed to wrap up a kill in my damn binder. Am I looking up again?
SPEAKER_03Uh telling company.
SPEAKER_01Toe company for Friday. That's when I want to do it. I'll call I'll uh look up the tow company after this, and then or tomorrow probably. And then uh do it on Friday.
SPEAKER_02Get it done. I'm hoping because I heard that there's um recalls for this specific thing, too. So I'm hoping that maybe it won't cost that much to get it fixed, if anything at all. Maybe my biggest cost will be the tow that I'm hoping for.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that'd be fucking sweet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But the the only thing they can do right now is hook it up to diagnose it and see what the problem is. You know, that's what they told me they were gonna do. Yeah, because it could be a couple of different things.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think that's that's standard on a lot of at a lot of dealerships. They'll have they have to do a diagnostic.
SPEAKER_02Because they don't want to fucking shoot from the hip anymore these days. Yeah. I and I can I can as a maintainer myself, yes, that it's kind of irritating, you've taken away the troubleshooting skills from people, but if it can be easier to do, why not go the easier route? That's I'm always like, why not go easier? And if you can troubleshoot it by plugging in something and it tells you, hey, look, your lug nuts loose. I know that's not gonna get down to that detailed, but you get what I'm saying. You're like, oh shit, fucking lug nuts loose. Check that shit out. You know what I mean? Or, you know, hey, your brake pressure sensor is actually bad and you need to replace that. That's the reason why your transmission won't go into fucking gear. Sweet. Instead of somebody just guessing, like myself, I'm guessing that it's the brake pressure sensor, you know. But I don't have anything to troubleshoot that down a hundred percent. And I don't like I'm not a I don't like shotgunning parts. I don't like spending money if I don't have to spend money, shotgun of parts, and it's already a hundred and fifty dollar part to replace by itself if I was to do it, you know what I mean? Yeah. So I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I could see that. I just hate how that's like they have to do it up front. Or past that where they they're gonna do it. But like some places, some places used to diagnose it and they say, hey, if you know, if you have us do the maintenance on it, we'll just waive the diagnostic fee.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we did that at Ford. We did that at Ford.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. A lot of places where we were up in Jersey, they were going away from that, where it doesn't matter, we're gonna charge you the diagnostic fee, and then what however much it cost to change the the part.
SPEAKER_02COVID made people fucking believe.
SPEAKER_04I noticed that they've been doing yeah, they've been doing the same shit around here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, we we did that at Ford when I was working there. Uh I mean it's good business. You did the maintenance with us. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's good business practices. It's not like it costs you much to print out a little piece of paper if you even do that these days. You know, you don't even have to do that. But I can see like a one two dollar fee if you had to print out some paper or something for somebody. But again, if you if you are doing the maintenance through us, then who gives a shit about the paper costs? You're making you're making up for a big time by getting the maintenance done.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That was a a fun fact that I I read earlier, and it was that uh fun fact, pineapple paradise doesn't taste like pineapple paradise.
SPEAKER_04What do we say? It tasted like sun and dirt.
SPEAKER_02I said pineapple dirt. That's what it tastes like to me. Pineapple skin and dirt. Because it don't even taste like the flesh of pineapple, it tastes like the skin of a pineapple or some shit. Ugh.
SPEAKER_04No, what I was gonna say. SpaceX has launched twice as many satellites in four years that all other space agencies have since 1957 combined.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's all for the fucking uh whatchamacallit? For um my internet. Yes, Starlink. Starlink.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yep. It gets just gets better and better. It gets faster and faster. Yeah. Every time he's launching satellites, you know, he's launching like 30 or 40, I think, every every rocket, some shit like that. It's something crazy. Yeah. Can you imagine just fucking this phallox-sized fucking rocket just shooting fucking shit off the sides? There's just a bunch of fucking a bunch of fucking uh uh satellite seeds.
SPEAKER_04It's fucking wild.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Which one blew up recently? Didn't something blow up recently?
SPEAKER_04I think that was Blue Origin.
SPEAKER_02That's fucking Amazon shit, right?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I saw a video.
SPEAKER_02I saw a video of it. It looked like a sunset.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, dude, it was fucking wild, it was huge.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I didn't know. I I I got so confused, I had to watch it three times to realize what the hell it was. I was like, what the fuck was that? And then like listening to the dude instead of just watching, because I was like, this watching the sun, you know, I'm like, what's going on? You know, instead of listening. But that was crazy.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, she was huge.
SPEAKER_02Did it just like was it on the ground it blew up, or did it go lift off? No, no, no.
SPEAKER_04They were doing uh they're doing a test fire, and so it was all you know, it was all bolted down and everything, so they weren't actually lifting off, it was just a test fire of the motors. I'm not sure exactly what uh malfunction, but the whole bitch blew up at the end of the day. Too much candle wax. Yeah. Too much candle wax. Yeah. Yeah, the bitch fucking went up.
SPEAKER_02Damn, yeah. I saw the video. I like I said, I thought it was sunset, just like the video said, it the it looks like a beautiful sunset. I was like, yeah, look at that beautiful sunset. Then I was all like, the fuck is going on? That's imploding.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but huge.
SPEAKER_02Then it I always just saw, I was all like, what did the sun just explode and we're all about to die eight minutes later? Like, what the fuck just happened?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. But you know, um, yeah, like I said, I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I'm sure they got a lot of data out of it.
SPEAKER_02A lot of fucking data of what not to do.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. But I mean, that's really the point of test fires and shit, right? To test to test motors.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I don't know if the point is to blow the shit up, but it's definitely to to make sure it happens on a test rather than when there's human humans inside the motor inside the spacecraft. Yes, I agree with that. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04So it just looks like that's on that big of a scale. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04That's you know, that's fucking that's millions and millions, if not hundreds of millions, of you know, dollars of I bet it's hundreds of millions.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, I'd I'd put it just uh like research development, actual fucking manufacture of that thing, you know. You know, being in the like the logistics and acquisitions business for a while there, you know, it it's research and development is a lot of money, but it also is small in comparison to maintenance, you know, when you're sustain your sustainment cost.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Sustainability. Yeah, sustainment cost. So basically, once this thing gets up and running, if if it gets to where he wants it to get to, you know, this will be chump change in the long run, you know. Yeah. If it works the same way as like military acquisitions, which I'm sure it's relatively close to the same. It's just got better lawyers. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Better lawyers.
SPEAKER_04That's some fucking crazy shit. Yeah. Roxy's over there rolling around on dirt.
SPEAKER_02Over there by the tree, the magnolia.
SPEAKER_04She wants you to brush her.
SPEAKER_02Probably. She's like, I'm gonna go get dirty again.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna go get real dirty.
SPEAKER_02That fuck ass has to brush me again. Roxy, you want brush? You want brush?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you want brush, huh?
SPEAKER_02Turn around.
SPEAKER_01Oh fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_02Turn around. You don't know turn around yet? Turn around. Turn around, you want brushing? Okay, go away. All done. Roxy, all done. Go away. Good girl. Nobody wants to hear you breathing. Not everybody wants to hear you breathing, I mean. It doesn't bother me, but it may be bothering everybody. Go! Go. Good girl. Nope, Slinky just came from nowhere. Where the fuck you come from?
SPEAKER_04Slipped out from underneath the fire pit.
SPEAKER_02Dude, he just fucking came out of nowhere. I didn't even see him fucking coming from nowhere, dude. He just like fucking appeared. Just teleported right in front of me, dude. Oh shit. What are you doing, huh? What trouble you get into? You're all dirty. You're all dirty. I was just thinking about that wasp of mine slapping around. Dude. There's one right here. I think it's nesting in my fucking my my leaf blower. I think it's creating a nest in there. It just would just flew into there right now. I don't have to fucking plug in the battery and fucking butt watch it go shooting out. Because it's right into the intake. It was like right where the intake is for the fucking air. That's right where it's nesting at. Oh shit. Wait till it gets in there, plug the battery in, wait a few minutes, wait till it gets in there, and then just pull the trigger. Watch it go flying out. I don't know what it's doing in there. It's gotta be building the mud. I found a fresh uh whatchamacallit on top of the fridge. Like the mud daubers leave their little larva in there. Fucking normally it's got an opening because the thing escaped out. This shit was still closed off. I fucking smashed that shit. It was like I was like, no, sir. Yep. Get out of here. I knew it was closed off. I knew it was in there, so I fucking smashed that bitch. Erin's allergic, so like I need to I need to call a fucking bug guy and or I need to go get some like wasp strips or whatever the fuck. I need to look up something. Because if Aaron gets stunned, you know, she needs to get the depi pin. Deppy pen, that's the word.
SPEAKER_04Are those jets?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Damn. Can hear them? Yeah, I hear them. The F-35s, F-18s, or F-16s.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. All I hear going across the sky out here is KC-135s.
SPEAKER_02I'll see C-130s every once in a while. Obviously, I don't hear them because they're up high. Um, so obviously that's not what you're hearing now. Um and I haven't seen anything but C-130s because there's a there's the 130 base around the corner from here, and then there's the F-35 and F-16 unit. And then I think there's a uh the Navy has an 18 unit. I'm pretty sure they've got F-18s. My guess would be that that was probably an F-35. I've seen them flying out here a few times this far. And how loud it was compared to some of the others. And 16's not usually that loud. Not unless it's low, lower.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'd say that's pretty accurate.
SPEAKER_02At least out here. From what I've noticed out here, you know. I haven't been on 16s in a long time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I still think 15s are louder than the 35s.
SPEAKER_02Well, yeah, it's got especially the two GE engine ones. You know what I mean? We're only sporting one engine still, you know. Yeah, it's 50,000 plus pounds of thrust, but it's still only one engine, you know, and you've got two at fucking 35,000, 40,000 pounds of thrust, you know. That's just a lot of fucking noise coming out of those motors.
SPEAKER_04Alright, I think it's that time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Alright, guys, take care, stay safe.
SPEAKER_02Be safe, make good choices. Bye!
SPEAKER_04Bye.